10 Commandments of Living in Seattle



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Thou shalt not drink Starbucks.

We all know their coffee tastes burnt. Go to Caffe Ladro, Victrola, Bauhaus – the list goes on, so there’s really no reason to go to Starbucks. Ever.

Thou shalt only drink local beers.

Seattle has way too many good microbreweries in the area to be wasting your time on – shudder – Bud Light. If you see Pike Brewing or Manny’s on tap, you better be ordering that.

Thou shalt not go to the Space Needle.

Or Ride the Ducks or go to Pike Place Market. Skip the crowds and go to the Ballard Farmer’s Market or hang out at Golden Gardens instead.

Thou shalt bring your own bags to the store.

We love recycling here, and wouldn’t want to waste anything – including plastic bags. Bring your cloth bags to PCC next time you pick up.

Thou shalt not cross the bridge.

As far as us Seattleites are concerned, the east side is a completely different world. You wouldn’t be caught dead in Bellevue.

Thou shalt keep how beautiful Seattle is a secret.

We’re sick of Amazon and Microsoft bringing in hundreds of new people every year. Keep your mouth quiet about how much you love the city to keep people away.

Thou shalt wear blue on Fridays.

And really the whole weekend. We’re proud of our Seahawks and want everyone to know it.

Thou shalt only eat burgers from Dick’s.

They’re cheap, tasty, and quick. Plus local legends Sir Mix-A-Lot and Macklemore both filmed music videos there.

Thou shalt not use an umbrella.

#1 way to look like a tourist. Your Northface rain jacket will provide all the protection you need.

Thou shalt spend every happy hour in the summer outdoors.

With so many bars popping up around Seattle with rooftop lounges or tables right next to the water, there’s never a reason to sit indoors. Eastlake Bar and Grill or Ray’s Boathouse is where you want to spend those summer days basking in the sun by the water.


Marilyn Price’s favorite thing is puppeteering – using puppets to tell stories. She chooses stories, often classics like “The Little Engine That Could,” that show children how to make their own lives better.

In addition to being puppeteer for the Chicago Public Library for 40 years, Ms. Price is an author, educator, foundation head, networker, and all-around resource person to many. In everything she does, she sees herself as a “connector,” seeking out opportunities to engage in life. “People need to learn to live a good life,” she says.


The 10 Commandments, Mom Style

Since it's one of the times of the year when most everyone I know is celebrating something religious, I thought it would be fitting to do a post with some religious undertones.

Exodus tells the story of how the Jews, having escaped slavery in Egypt, were wandering the dessert. Moses got word to climb Mount Sinai, where he was given the 10 Commandments, a list of expected behaviors for all.

This got me thinking. In my house, I have a list of expected behaviors, too. I, by no means consider myself to be divine. Nor do I mean any disrespect to my religion or any other. But through all this Bible talk, I've had an epiphany. What my household needs is not just the 10 Commandments from the Bible, but our own 10 Commandments of my home.

So, I'm starting with G-d's, because they are a perfect example of the expectations of the morals and values I, too, expect in my home. But I need to change them, just a little, to fit the circumstances.

The 10 Commandments of my home:

1. I am your Mother. I went through hell to conceive you, used all the toilet paper in the land while carrying you and suffered a lengthy and excruciating ordeal to have you. You will accept me as your Mother or I will farm you out into bondage.

2. Thou shalt have no other mother besides me. I do not care how much nicer you think every other mother on the planet is, I am yours and you are stuck with me and only me.

3. Thou shalt not take the name of your mother in vain. Just so we're clear, this means you can't swear at me, OR call anyone else a mother. anything.

4. Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy. Give me a break, at the very least on the weekends.

5. Honor thy father and thy mother. Notice how I've generously included Dad in this one.

6. Thou shalt not kill. No matter what consequences you've suffered for whatever action you decided to take, you cannot have murderous thoughts towards me. Change your behavior, 'cause I'm here to stay.

7. Thou shalt not commit adultery. If you even know what this is, you're grounded for life.

8. Thou shalt not steal. That means that what's mine is mine. You cannot take my things and then try to pretend I never had them. I KNOW it was there yesterday.

9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against your neighbor. STOP blaming your brother. I'm not stupid, I know it was you.

10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house. Do well in school, get into college, get a good job and buy a bigger one.

And thou shalt love thy mother with all thy heart, and with all thy soul and with all thy might.

Or there will be an exodus. And it will not be mine.


10 Commandments of Southern Entertaining

Every good Southern host should be ready for company–the expected or unexpected.

Southerners love to visit with one another. Here's everything you need to know to be ready for expected or unexpected company. Trust us, it would be a sin to ignore these subtle suggestions.

1. Thou shall always be ready to feed a small flotilla of drop in visitors. You can never have enough: Carr's Table Water Crackers, pepper jelly (to spiff up cream cheese), and pimento cheese. Extra points if you have appetizers ready for the oven in the freezer at all times.

2. Thou shall be ready for both on and off the wagon visitors – also known as children and adults. Keep waters, iced tea or lemonade on hand along with alcoholic beverages. Tip: buy wine by the case and liquor by the handle. Unlike your farmer's market haul, it won't go bad.

3. Thou shall welcome everyone graciously no matter if they were actually invited. Learn to say "The more the merrier" on autopilot.

4. Thou shall be a good conversationalist and always inquire with genuine interest about important people and events in your guests lives. Also, make sure you can speak easily about current events (read the news).

5. Thou shall put the comforts of my guests above all else and give them a seat, ask if they are hot or cold, and keep their cup runneth over with refreshment.

6. Thou house will smell fresh as a garden with either flower arrangements or a great smelling candle.

7. Thou shall not talk about how much work went into getting this gathering together. Your company won't really enjoy themselves if you make them feel guilty that you had to straighten the house or make an extra trip to the grocery.

8. Thou shall keep an orderly house – or at least have a plan to pull it together quickly. Fluff the pillows. Stash away clutter and dirty dishes. Clear out large dust bunnies.

9. Thou shall prep the powder room with monogrammed hand towels and an adequate supply of toilet paper in there.

10. Thou shall see company out properly. Don't close your door on them until they are packed into their car and it has been started. Also, be sure that they can drive safely. If not, call them an Uber.


Watch the video: Whats Wrong with The Bible Project?


Comments:

  1. Avraham

    I confirm. I agree with all of the above. Let's discuss this issue. Here or at PM.

  2. Arend

    Not bad, but we've seen better. ... ...

  3. Ohanko

    So the story!

  4. Tortain

    This question is not discussed.

  5. Jael

    And there are other deregistrations?



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